My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
