there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
