dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
