i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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