Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
