There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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