either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
