her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
