sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
