she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
