im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
