Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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