id be glad to
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
