we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
