barbara walters just said penis...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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