It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
