I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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