dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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