I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
