Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
