My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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