def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
