I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You peed on a flamingo?!?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
