Having a random hookup so left but love u
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
