i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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