Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
