Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
my liver is dry heaving
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
