my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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