im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
