My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
