Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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