Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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