She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
