Ambien. No doubt about it.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
