Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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