I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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