Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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