This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
