If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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