When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
