I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
