forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
