I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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