I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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