i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
