I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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