Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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