Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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