A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
