I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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