When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
