dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
