No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
