If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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