Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
