What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
