the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
